Gaslighting – What is it? Why It Happens and Avoiding Manipulation

  

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"Gaslighting" is the term used by psychologists that refer to a type of psychological manipulation, where a person (or a group) makes another individual doubt the truth. The targeted individual makes them question their reality, memory, perception, and even their own judgment. Unfortunately, this can happen in any kind of relationship - including those of a couple.

Why does this happen?

Gaslighting starts due to a variety of reasons. White lies are the most common warning sign, where the other tells a lie to his/her partner to save the relationship or to prevent confrontation and argument. When white lies become a habit, it becomes normal in the relationship. The person doing it may not realize the damaging effects in the long run. The person hearing these lies will believe that there is nothing wrong - when in reality his/her significant other is manipulating him/her.

Being caught in the act and still denying the truth about it is also a form of deception. The difference between this situation and white lies is that the person trying to know the truth holds proof. White lies can be based on the interrogation of the targeted person without evidence. The person manipulating the truth will start to make up stories or reasons to make his/her partner feel that it is rightful or there's nothing to worry about.

Hearing promises that are not fulfilled can be a sign of gaslighting. When their actions do not match their words, it could mean that the person doesn't feel the same way as what is expected. They don't mean the words they say, or the expected result is not the same as what they have stated. This is also a form of deception when done in the long term.

Narcissistic personality disorder from the partner can also be a warning sign of gaslighting. If the partner has this disorder, he/she sees and regards himself as an important person to be taken care of and respected. This gets worse when the significant other sees his/her partner the same way. Want to know what's worst? This is when they see each other in that way, without realizing they are manipulating each other to some extent.

Related Article: JEALOUSY IN THE RELATIONSHIP – WHEN IS IT OKAY?

How to avoid being manipulated

Though the above instances are signs of gaslighting, it is important to know if the person affected is really in that situation. It is essential to compare how you see reality now and how it was at the beginning of the relationship. It gives a different view on how things are perceived the way it was before. Once there is a form of deceit that makes the person realize that he/she is affected psychologically for the benefit of the other, it can be considered gaslighting.

Examining judgment will also help in knowing if a person is being manipulated. The easiest way to check is by remembering past challenges in the relationship, and imagine if the same happened to another couple. If the advice that was given to another person is not the way it should be handled in the relationship, do a fact check on how the significant other did it in the past. Their actions might have lead to control over the other person, and lure him/her to do things differently towards their own desire.

Starting to question the reality? Get a clearer perspective by pondering on the truth with the help of others. Consult family members and trusted friends, or seek professional help if there is difficulty in realizing the reality.

Be firm when holding on to the truth. Collecting enough evidence will help in confronting the partner with this behavior. Keeping silent will make things worst and the situation may go on and on without realizing it. This will also help in determining if the relationship is worth saving after all of this has happened.

Being 'gaslighted' is not a sign of weakness, but it is how the partner has tricked the other to turn away from reality and their beliefs. Do not be shy in asking for medical help if there is a need to make a reality check, and getting back to the usual self. I am not a doctor or a mental health professional, but seeking expert advice is the best way in handling this situation.