Are You Having An Intimate Relationship?

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The word 'intimate' has always been associated with sex and the human genitals - such as 'intimate apparel' that refers to undergarments, or 'intimate wash' that refers to a kind of cleanser dedicated to using it 'down there'. It has been often associated with those topics, that it loses the real meaning of the word 'intimacy' in relationships.

Most people assume that being intimate with someone primarily involves sex. Though sexual intercourse plays a big role, being intimate with your partner is more than that.

What is Intimacy?

Being intimate with your partner means that you are open to letting your partner know you deeper and he/she does the same for you. It involves exposing yourself even your most private angles. It doesn't imply that you have to give your full focus to your partner alone, but it makes an opportunity to achieve personal goals and those outside of the relationship.

Experts have always pointed out the four types of intimacy to be fulfilled in every relationship. First is Emotional Intimacy, where you express yourself freely with your partner. Next is Mental Intimacy, where your relationship enhances your intellect as you share knowledge, interests, and hobbies. The third one is Spiritual Intimacy - even if both of you believe in two different religions. You can show intimacy by learning how to respect and support his/her spiritual beliefs. The last one is Physical Intimacy. As mentioned earlier, it is not sex alone but by showing your affection through touch (such as a kiss on the cheek or holding each other's hands.

Having an intimate relationship cannot be achieved overnight, even if you start opening yourself freely with your partner. It is not easy to be vulnerable all of the time, to be open and share whatever goes into your mind, and even expecting your partner to do the same. As they say, 'it takes two to tango', and you cannot have an intimate relationship if you work for it alone.

Are we having an intimate relationship?

Defining the exact meaning of being intimate with your partner may be different from theirs to yours. it is the same when you ask people what is love for them. Some may say the classic line that "it is blind" or define it like it was taken from a dictionary. One relationship may see it differently from the other, yet these characteristics are basic in any relationship which has a deep, intimate connection.

- Showing an effort to know each other.

Even if you've been together for decades, you still want to know more about your partner. He/she also feels the same way, and both of you are committed to exerting an effort to be familiar with each other. The principles, values, and preferences when it comes to simple things will always interest you. Being intimate in a relationship requires continuous learning of who you are with.

- Trust is never an issue.

Lovers with an intimate relationship don't have any issues with trusting each other. Whether it is money matters, simple decisions, and even doing everyday tasks - you can trust your partner on doing the best thing for the both of you. You know that you can trust your wife when she hangs out with a guy friend or the other way around. You have the confidence that they value your relationship, by giving you an assurance that they always consider your well-being and what you will feel.

- You can show your weak side.

Having intimacy in the relationship means that you can be vulnerable with your partner. You have the confidence that they will not take advantage of you when you are at the lowest point of your life. They would rather show care and compassion, help you stand up again, and cheer you up when you're feeling down. Even when things didn't go their way, you can expect him/her to be by your side.

- Recognizes that it needs teamwork.

The time you share together means a lot because you can learn from shared experiences. However, being together without interdependency does not mean intimacy. There is a sense of teamwork, where both of you are the team members who aim to achieve one goal. Both of you contribute an effort to make the relationship better in any way.

- Open communication.

Having open communication means that you are not afraid even if your partner is being honest with you. You don't see feedback as an attack against you - rather it is a chance to point out what you can do better. You are not afraid of telling them whatever happened in your day or letting them know what's on your mind. Even in long-distance relationships, honest and open communication is important as it gives you a picture of what your partner's day is like even if you are not together. Especially with new technological advancements, talking to each other even if you are miles apart is not a challenge anymore.

- Acceptance.

You accept your partner on who they really are - but this doesn't mean that you allow them to continue to show their bad side. Manage to know what you can tolerate and what they need to change. If you are the partner, this also involves accepting this feedback and doing it not just for the relationship, but to be a better person as well.

- It feels like your minds are interconnected.

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Did he/she get what kind of movie you would like to watch on your date night? Did he/she predict what kind of food you want for lunch or dinner? Being intimate in the relationship means that you know each other well, that they understood who you really are and what you prefer even in the smallest of things. It doesn't require knowing it all, but having an idea of the majority of what will be his/her choices in life gives the feeling that there is a tangible connection in the relationship.

- You know the person (physically).

Getting naked in front of your partner confidently - even if you know that you don't have the best body in the world - means that you are being intimate in a way. Non-sexual activities such as appreciating your partner's beauty even if they feel that they are not pretty enough boosts their self-confidence.

It's a fact that having sex increases intimacy in the relationship. Having sexual intercourse also allows your partner to see your flaws physically, and still accepts you as the most beautiful person in the world. Both of you only see sexual intercourse as one way of showing your love and affection to each other.

What is it for you?

If all of those stated above are present in your relationship, congratulations! We can conclude that you are being intimate with each other. But what do you get from it?

Medical experts have pointed out that being intimate with your partner releases a group of neurotransmitters such as oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins, and dopamine. These natural hormones released by the body have always been known to make the body and mind feel better. These also help in improving a person's emotional state and have better bodily functions. Less stress can boost the immune system while reducing the risk of having heart disease.

One of the advantages is how you approach problem-solving. Being intimate with each other gives you the best idea of how you solve a dilemma together while considering each other's opinions. Both of you see problems as part of the relationship where it makes the bond stronger every time it is solved. Every challenge that the relationship encounters is an opportunity to test the teamwork and how each will contribute to its solution.

What if we lack intimacy?

The best way to start when you feel that there is no intimacy in the relationship is by having an open and honest conversation. Point out the negative points of your partner, and accept the feedback if you are the receiving end.

Always express your love to each other. Never forget to show your affection even in simple activities, such as writing a love letter or just by doing the household chores instead of your spouse. Go on a date, or schedule sex when you know that you'll have a very busy schedule. Giving time to your partner is one of the best things that you can do to show that you prioritize the relationship.

Relationship experts and/or marriage counselors are always an option, and they can give you your options when you felt that you have tried everything.  They can also give straightforward feedback if you don't have a clear picture of what is wrong with the relationship.

A smooth sailing relationship requires a high level of intimacy, where they see problems as a challenge and not a threat to separate them. An intimate relationship knows each other very well in all aspects of his/her life, which contributes to being comfortable with each other. A loving relationship includes knows his/her partner well, and open to change what is needed to make things better.